Explore selected relationship studies, what they measured and their limits, with practical ideas for conversation, appreciation and shared activities.
Riley Tonkin
Founder, Amora
Relationship studies examine responsiveness, interactions during conflict, shared activities and conversation. Their findings come from particular samples and methods, not a formula for lasting love. Use the ideas here as starting points for discussing what works for both of you.
What actually makes relationships work? Not opinions. Not guesses. Not what worked for your grandparents. What does the science say?
Researchers have been studying couples for over 50 years, observing them, measuring their interactions, following them for decades, and tracking who stays together and who doesn't.
The findings depend on the people studied, the measures used and the study design.
Gottman and Levenson's 2000 paper followed a particular group of married couples over 14 years and used several relationship and interaction measures. Its model is not a personal prediction tool for a couple reading this page.
The Gottman Institute describes a 5:1 pattern of positive to negative interactions during conflict. This observation should not be turned into an everyday quota or a guarantee of success.
This doesn't mean avoiding conflict. It means building so much positive connection that negativity doesn't overwhelm the relationship.
Positive interactions include: showing interest, expressing affection, small acts of kindness, agreeing with your partner, showing empathy, being playful, apologizing, accepting responsibility.
The Gottman Institute describes four destructive communication patterns to notice during conflict. He calls them The Four Horsemen:
The Gottman Institute reports that in an observed newlywed sample, couples who remained married six years later had responded to bids 86% of the time, compared with 33% for couples who divorced. These are response rates in that sample, not personal success probabilities or evidence that Amora changes outcomes.
These aren't grand gestures. They're tiny moments: your partner mentions something interesting they read, or points out something outside, or asks a question. Do you engage, or do you ignore?
Practical tip: A daily question can be an invitation to talk if both partners want to take part. Each question is an invitation to turn toward each other.
Your attachment style -- secure, anxious, or avoidant -- shapes how you experience and behave in relationships. These descriptions are prompts for reflection, not population estimates or guarantees about a partner's ability to change another person.
Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby and later applied to adult relationships by researchers like Dr. Sue Johnson, explains why some people feel secure in relationships while others feel anxious or avoidant.
The good news? Attachment styles can change. Do not treat a partner's label as a treatment or a guarantee of change.
Dr. Sue Johnson's research on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) shows that secure relationships have three key elements:
These spell A.R.E. as in, "Are you there for me?" This is the fundamental question underlying relationship security.
Aron and colleagues' 2000 experiments examined immediate changes in reported relationship quality after shared novel or arousing tasks. They did not establish that any particular date idea or app produces lasting change.
Research by Dr. Arthur Aron demonstrates that couples who engage in novel, exciting activities together report higher relationship satisfaction than those who do pleasant but familiar activities.
This doesn't mean you need skydiving dates. "Novel" can be:
The key is breaking routine and experiencing something new together.
Research on sharing good news examines how perceived responses relate to well-being and relationship quality. The examples below are ways to respond with interest, not a ranking that predicts every couple's future.
Gable and colleagues' 2004 paper examined sharing positive events and perceived responses. Use the categories below to reflect on your conversations rather than to diagnose your relationship.
There are four ways to respond when your partner shares something positive:
An interested, supportive response is one option to try when your partner shares good news. Ask what kind of response they appreciate.
Huang and colleagues' 2017 study examined question-asking and liking in conversations. It does not establish that a daily-question app increases long-term relationship satisfaction.
Partners change over time. Their dreams, fears, preferences, and perspectives evolve. Couples who stay curious about these changes maintain stronger connections.
The Gottman Institute describes recurring disagreements that couples may need to manage rather than resolve once and for all. The suggestions below are options for discussing those differences.
Here's a finding that surprises many people: 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual. They never get resolved. Gottman's research shows that most disagreements are about fundamental personality differences or lifestyle preferences that don't change.
Happy couples aren't conflict-free. They're skilled at:
Ideas to discuss include responding with interest, showing appreciation, trying a shared activity and returning respectfully to a disagreement. Choose an idea that both partners want to try.
Research is only useful if you can apply it. Here's what the science suggests:
For more evidence-based strategies you can apply today, explore our guide to communication in relationships.
These studies offer ideas to discuss; they do not establish that a particular routine makes a relationship last.
These studies offer ways to think about interaction and conversation. They do not supply a universal formula or prove that a product routine makes a relationship last. Choose one practical idea that both partners want to try.
What ten seconds of us would you replay if you could?
No universal formula is established by the studies discussed here. Findings depend on who was studied, what was measured and how the research was conducted.
Researchers have studied prediction within particular samples and models. That does not give this article, an app or a brief informal observation a reliable forecast for a particular couple.
There is no single finding that determines every relationship. Use the studies as discussion prompts and consider your own circumstances, boundaries and wishes.
Bradbury and Bodenmann's 2020 review describes benefits for distressed couples from behavioral and emotion-focused approaches, with differences between research studies and clinical practice. It does not establish a guaranteed success rate.
Riley is the founder of Amora. He built the app after experiencing the challenges of staying connected in his own long-distance relationship, and reviews relationship psychology research from Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Sue Johnson, and others to inform every guide and question on the site.
